The batting stance guy

After Mannys pinch hit Grand Slam, I was talking a bit of trash on facebook.  My buddy Yosh had this link posted on his status update.  This dude is hilarious and very talented.  He can imitate any player in MLB history.  Get through the first two minutes of the video and you will enjoy.  A true master piece for any baseball lover….Check it out below….

A-Rod could use a lesson from Manny

Two of the most talked about people in this pre season and spring training have no doubt been Manny Ramirez and Alex Rodriguez.  Both of these media hogs are represented by Scott Boras and have been bombarding the air waves for entirely different things.

As we all know A-Rod admitted to taking steroids this summer, hung out with Madonna, got injured, and had a tremendously lame photo shoot with Details magazine.  Every interview after the steroid allegations came out made A-Rod looked more and more like a Douche bag.

Manny Ramirez was in talks all off season with the Dodgers.  Due to the economy he did not get the contract he  wanted, and it was apparent no other team was willing to take on his long term requests courtesy of the Boston actions.  He held out for the longest time and finally came to an agreement with the Dodgers.  Many people said he was greedy for trying to get all of that money when ten percent of Kaliphornyians are without a job.

Looking at the two it has been a ridiculous off season fueled by none other than the devil of baseball Scott Boras. This is where I feel A-Rod could take some lessons from Manny and his PR staff.  The only media Manny has gotten other than holding out was a bad hamstring and the ever famous line, “I’m back.”  He then had a hamstring injury and showed up on the ESPN pages riding a sick tricycle and taking some bp on the wicket.  Ohh yeah, he hit his first preseason jack last night.

A-Rod is a whole different story.  Lets check out his off season time line.  Sports Illustrated contacts A-Rod saying that there was evidence he used steroids and they were going to release the story.   A week later he did that lame Details photo shoot knowing he was going to headline the media with the steroid allegations.  He took many shots of Patron during the photos to take the edge off of the vulgarity of the photos.  The allegations hit the air waves and A-Rod had various interviews releasing new information with every new interview.   He hits his first spring training home run.   He was then seen getting picked up by the ever famous cousin Yuri the Roid dealer.

A-Rod was spotted with Madonna, he is struggling through a broken marriage, claims to have hip problems that could possibly be linked with steroids, get surgery and misses the WBC and the first part of the regular season, says he would rather have Jose Reyes leadoff instead of Johnny Damon.  Reyes is on the Met’s and plays the same position as Jeter.  The Details shoot comes out and the whole nation realizes how much of a tool A-Rod is and wonders if he got an STD from laying in a very porno like setup for the photoshoot.  Finally, now for the first week he has been out of the press.  Hopefully laying low and hoping that everyone has forgotten about this off season and his antics.

Two players who were in the eye of the media and two very different routes taken.  On this upcoming issue of ESPN magazine Manny will be on the cover just like A-Rod was on the cover of Detials.  Will we see Manny in a warehouse in Tarzana wearing his slider shorts making out with himself in a mirror while taking shots of Patron? No, Manny did not pose for ESPN because he was to busy getting ready and focusing for the upcoming season.

I leave you with one question.

Who would you like to be up in the bottom of the ninth, game seven, down one run, with a man on first, facing a full count, with two outs?

I bet I could guess who Boston fans would pick-

TOOL

This will be the newest ESPN cover

Manny being Manny

Thank you Manny, Thank you Boras, Thank you McCourt, Thank you Los Angeles…….Now lets go win a World Series

Barry Bonds signs with Los Angeles Dodgers

Barry Bonds signs with Los Angeles Dodgers, Next up Manny! 😉
All my life I have despised Barry Bonds like every other baseball fan that did not root for the orange and black. Not only did he have some of his biggest hits against my beloved Dodgers (#500, #71, #73) but the dude was just an all around prick. One thing you can’t knock on this guy is the fact that he can hit, and hit the shit out of the ball. So this is what the Dodgers need to do.
Presuming that his most recent trial goes similar to the past trials nothing will happen again for another year. The Dodgers should sign Manny with a four year 30 million dollar per year deal. We then take another roll of the dice cause we are feeling risky after that Manny deal and sign Barry Bonds. Now I know what you are thinking, if Manny is in left field where will Barry play. We would go and move him over to first base. From here I think he can be effective but who cares about the right side of the diamond when you could possibly have Manny and Barry batting at three and four. Can you say instant offense? Plus Jeff Kent is no longer with us. So its all good.
Is it wrong that with a bat like Barry Bonds and the hate I have had for him my whole life would welcome him into the Dodger Blue? I know this is one of my more far fetched ideas but man wouldn’t that be a sick line up? FURCAL, LONEY(3rd base), MANNY, BONDS, MARTIN, DEWITT, EITHER, KEMP…

Guilty or not guilty?-

My screenplay about Manny and the Dodgers

I was scrolling through the headlines of the LATIMES.COM sports page when I came across a Manny update. Plain and simple it was nothing. It had quotes from Colletti and had quotes from Scot Boras, which sounded very familiar to a freshman in high school that has a crush on a girl and is to chicken to ask her out. Hence Colletti being the dude, Manny being the girl, and Boars being the girls best friend. Ohh yeah and the Giants as the other guy.

CHARACTER LIST
Ned: As himself
Joe: Ned’s Best friend
Barry: The SF Giants aka the other guy
Mannarita: Manny
Scottaney: Mannaritas best friend

Ext. School-Day

A typical lunchtime scene at a highschool.  Joe and Ned are sitting down eating lunch talking about Ned’s crush Mannarita.

Joe

                                                        So Ned when are you going to ask Mannarita out?

Ned:

When she gives me a sign. I have let her know I like her but I guess what I can offer is not good enough. Her friend Scottaney says she does like me but wants more. I’m not going to marry her right away I need to know she is in this with our best interest at heard.

Joe:

So you really like her? Why don’t you tell her what she wants to hear and see how it goes?
Ned:

I will but I need a sign from her first knowing she is willing to work as a team and meet me halfway.

Int. Mannaritas bedroom: Night

Mannarita and Scottaney are sitting on the bed gossiping about the boys at school.

Scottaney:

I can’t believe Ned hasn’t asked you out yet!
Mannarita:

I know, if he thinks that what he did last time was the correct way to ask a girl out he’s way wrong. I need something more. I want him to let me know that he really wants me. He knows what I want.
Scottaney:

I saw you talking with Barry today, whats that all about?
Mannarita:

Ohh that’s nothing, I am just trying to make Ted jealous. Barry is going nowhere with his life.
Scottaney:

Yeah we need to play hard to get for you, or else you will just be another under loved super girlfriend.
Mannarita:

Will you talk to Ned for me and try and move this thing along faster?
Scottaney: Sure

Ext. School -Day

Ned is reading a book on baseball sitting under a tree in front of his school, while waiting for his mom to come and pick him up.  Scottaney is on her way home.

Ned: Hi Scottaney
Scottaney:

Hi Ned
Ned:

So anything new?
Scottaney:

Nope, how about you?
Ned:

Nope. Where is Mannarita?
Scottaney:

Talking with Barry.
Ned:

Doesn’t that guy live in the basemen?
Scottaney:

Yeah. Ok well nice talking I will tell Mannarita you say hi.
Ned:

Thanks see you tomorrow

Int. Ned’s bedroom-Night

Ned and Joe are excited for the weekend and are taking about Ned’s secrete crush.  They are sitting in front of Joe’s TV playing Nintendos Ken Griffey Juniors Home Run.

Ned:

So I talked to Scottaney today.
Joe:

And?
Ned:

She said Mannarita says hello.
Joe:

That’s cool; did you let Scottaney know you were interested?
Ned:

Ohh she knows. Mannarita was talking with Barry.
Joe:

Doesn’t he live in the basement?
Ned:

I know that’s what I said. If she could only give me one more sign then I would for sure ask her out.
Joe:

You’re A-Fraud just like my old friend Alex.

-TO BE CONTINUED-

SOME QUOTES I FOUND IN THE LA TIMES THAT INSPIRED THIS SCREEN PLAY

“The Dodgers do not believe the San Francisco Giants are serious about Ramirez. The Giants are happy to let the Dodgers think that way. “

Colletti Said “I’m hoping hell give us a counter”
Boras “We have let the Dodgers know what Manny’s position is. They are fully aware of the terms he feels are fair.”
Colletti “The Dodgers will no consider sweetening their offer without a signal from Boras that he would yield as well” “It’s tough to do without knowing where it’s going to get you. If you get a sign you can do something, you might be inclined to do it.”

LA Times “Boras wouldn’t say whether he has any teams interested beyond the Dodges and Giants. He would say whether Ramirez might accept a contract of fewer than four years. He wouldn’t say whether Ramirez might sit out part of Spring Training or even part of the season