Archive for March, 2009


Andrew Bynum with playboy bunny

Yet another reason why Southern Kaliphornya is a great place to play sports.  Andrew Bynum has been injured for the past six and a half weeks.  He is ready to practice with the team upon their return of the horrendous road trip.  While they have been gone, Andrew made a visit to the Playboy mansion.  He then went ahead and put a bunny on his shoulders and got a picture of it.  That a boy Bynum.  I wonder what KG does while he is rehabbing his knee?  Possibly goes to a skating rink with Rondo?

Everything is better in Kaliphornya

Everything is better in Kaliphornya

looks like the knee is getting better-


Rajon Roller Skater Rando

Boston Celtics point guard Rajon Rondo has recently done an interview that can be found in the most recent Maxim.  He is a self proclaimed roller skater.  As I was reading the article I could not help but laugh at this guy and keep a straight face.  Yes Boston people you can rip on us Kaliphorians as much as you want about roller blading.  It was a national craze in the early eights that is still popular down by the beach and a great work so I’ve heard.  That is just it though, people do it to work out in the sun along the ocean.

Thats sick kaliphornya style

Thats sick kaliphornya style

Rajon Rondo makes it a point to go every Friday and Sunday during the off season.  He says that he likes going to the roller rink and cruising around in circles.  Now that sounds like fun.  At least when roller blades were popular you could do cool tricks on a half pipe or grind down rails.  I have never seen roller skates on a half pipe or have the ability to grind down rails.

The reason Rondo got into skating was because he sucked at it.  He was at his nieces birthday party and was terrible.  He wanted to get better so he started skating as much as he could.  He then got hooked.  When asked if he could do any cool tricks like in the movie ATL (horrible movie by the way), he said no he prefers the couples skating.  On top of this he said he does not like clubs and enjoys meeting women at a roller rink.

Boston this one is for you.  One of you biggest upcoming stars is so bored in your town of Beans that he roller skates.  Are the clubs that bad out there that your people are still stuck in the sixties and seventies and think roller skating is cool?  The last time I went to a roller rink was for my sisters 10th birthday at Sierra Skate.  Not even then did I wear roller skates, I was blading because back in 1993 blading was cool.  Airborn type of cool.  (check out the Monday movie review atLost Angeles.)

Rondo, remember when you got into Kobes face when we beat you in your house?  What did you say to him?  “Watch out chump I can roller skate circles around your ass.”  You have just officially lost your Boston Celtics Kevin Garnett I’m tough as nails cred.  Have fun at the roller



rink and make sure not to break a wrist because I will enjoy seeing you lose to Cleveland in the Conference finals…..

Kaliphornya love-


Are you drunk right now?

According to Maxim magazine at any given moment around the world there are 46, 948,952 people drunk.  Now that is a shit show.


Catch pharse rules…..

(Some how this got switched to only one paragraph so bear with me because I am to lazy to fix it right now due to the fact that it is one in the AM on a Sunday morning…. holler at that, I should turn it into one long sentence)

Tonight me and my friends decided to play a little game of catch phrase. It was the boys versus the girls. As all games between boys and girls there is tons of competitive juices flowing. Me and my friend chief editor of Lost Angeles Blog, decided to use some strategy. We knew that each other knew the answer so we took our time giving clues until the last possible second. When we got the correct answer we would pass it off leaving the XX chromosome team with all of five seconds to answer the next phrase. The ladies called us out and said it was cheating. After several minutes of arguing we went on our ways and the team with the bigger brains, the boys (seriously check it out, men have bigger brains the women Brain Size) were victorious winning two games to one. We gave them the second game. Anyone who questions the rules must have solid evidence. So me being the good sport I am, decided to list a copy of the rules so there is no confusion. Please read thoroughly and get back to me if there is any debate…. All rules can be found clicking here at Board Game Capital Game Play: Pick a team to begin the game with the first word. The first word is started by pressing the green button on the side of the disk player to reveal the new word. This is done while the opposing team start the timer. The person with the first word begins to give clues and the team members start shouting out their guesses until the correct word has been yelled out. The rules on giving clues are such that you are allowed to make any physical gesture and almost any verbal clue. It is however, against the Catch Phrase rules to say a word that rhymes, give the first letter or say part of the guessing word. If a team member breaks one of these rules and is caught, the timer is stopped and the other team is awarded a point by moving them one place forward on the board. Once the word has been guessed the disk player is passed to the next team as quickly as possible. Remember, you do not want to be caught with it in your hands when the timer goes off. This continues, alternating teams and new words, until the timer goes off. When the timer goes off, the team that is not holding the disk player advances one space on the Catch Phrase game board. The next round is started by the team that was left holding the disk player when the buzzer went off. A bonus point can be earned for stealing a word. If the timer goes off in the middle of your turn and your team has not guess the correct word, the other team has one chance to guess the word you were trying to get your teammates to say. The Catch Phrase rules state that if the correct word is guessed (only one guess is allowed and can be discussed amongst the other team), they move ahead one more space. Two points are awarded from not being stuck holding the disk player and guessing the opposing team’s word. Whether they get it or not, the team that got stuck with the disk player begins the next round. If for any reason you run out of words and they begin to repeat themselves, simply stop the timer, reload the disk player and begin again. —————————————————————————-

No where in here does it say there is a penalty for stalling? Just because I trust my teammate more then the opposing team, do you have to call us cheaters. If you were playing baseball would you say that letting an infield fly drop to get the double play was illegal even thought the umpire did not call the infield fly rule? Well maybe but hey you could have done the same thing. I guess in the end, men will always prevail…LOL now bring on the hate mail…

JK………We all know women are a million times more smarter then men, and that without them this world would suck and our lives would be worthless…..Thank you for putting up with our bullshit and shenanigans…..


Earthquake warning/prediction

What is up fellow Kaliphorians, as you know if you live here in the greatest state of the country there is not much that is bad about Kali.  On that note though we have to always be prepared for earthquakes.  To people around the rest of the country, well they are mortified by them yet we just roll with the flow when they happen.  An earthquake to them is like a tornado to us.  Now that stuff scares the hell out of me .

Anyhow there are several people in my family that have extensive knowledge in the geological and surveying fields.  There is a fairly long line of civil engineers and surveyors.  I have talked to them recently and they just wanted to give me a heads up that within the next week or so there is a chance of a major earthquake of 7.0 in magnitude or higher to hit the Southern San Andreas fault line.  There could also be some tremors up in the Northern San Andreas fault line some time next week as well.

As we all know no one has ever been one hundred percent sure of predicting an earthquake, but hey it cannot hurt to error on the side of caution.  There have been increased seismic activity over the past couple weeks that have drawn attention to a possible big one.

Will Kaliphornya’s sleeping giant awake once again?  Let’s hope not, but if it does you have to give my blog props for dropping this story-



Dorko Mom and the Clarinet….

For you people who play the clarinet, I am sorry.  Today while I was at work, I was talking with one of my least favorite clients.  Imagine that forty something mother who is overly proud and sticks her foot in her mouth without realizing it every time she opens it up.  She is this lady who will not shut the hell up about her son.  For the past month she has been telling me, four weeks till my son turns 18, three weeks till my son turns 18, two weeks until my son turns 18, one week until my son turns 18, you get the point.  Well today is his 18th birthday.  Whopdee frickin doo.

Don’t get me wrong I love hearing about peoples children and their lives at home but man this lady is just on over kill.  I feel bad for her son because she has raised a complete dork.  I have not even met this kid and I know he is a dork.  She talks for an hour and a half non stopped about three things, her sons, birthday which I have covered, how he is in the school Orchestra, and what colleges he has gotten into and rejected from. (Davis, Cal, and Brown he got into.  Rejected from UCLA, Stanford, USC, Dartmouth, and Cornell.)

Seriously this lady is like ohhh I was up so late at my sons recital last night.  Hmmmm the last time I looked, five year old girls played recitals.  Seniors in high school went out and partied.  Don’t get me wrong, and I have said this before, I give mad mad props to anyone who plays a musical instrument.  The only instrument I can play is the easy levels of Rock Band drums.  Holler at video games.

So back to Dorko Mom.  Me being the smart ass I am, was so fed up and annoyed with Dorko mom talking about how her son is 18 and walked straight to the Post Office to register for voting decided to lay the real world on her.  I said “So your son is 18 now, you must be so proud.  Get ready cause now he can buy, cigarettes, loto tickets, and porn. (well i held the porn part out because I have some class, but it did cross my mind).  She awkwardly avoided the cigarette comment and said “You can buy lotto tickets at 18?”  Me “Yup, and he can get tried as an adult, did he go and register for the draft yet?”  And blank stare from Dorko Mom.

Those comments shut her up for a grand total of fifteen seconds.  After the fifteen seconds passed the next hour she was bragging about her son and how he killed his SAT’s and thinks he is going to chose Cal for college.  She then said “my son wants to bring his nice Clarinet to college with him but I am afraid it is going to get stolen.”  I let out a laugh and she gave me a look as though I was peering into the fifth ring of the Inferno.   Satan eyes was like what the hell is so funny, in a far more polite way?  I said well all the closets have locks so he could keep it in there when he is not practicing in the middle of the quad.  It gave her some relief.

Then I told her that the instrument was probably the last thing some one would steal.  Honestly who steals a Clarinet?  Her son needed to worry about his I.Pod, computer, books, graphing calculator, and clothes from getting stolen.  She understood everything but the clothes.  I then informed her that people go around every week to the washers and dryers and have free roam of whatever they want due to the fact that your average college student does not watch his clothes as though he were guarding Windsor Castle.  Looking back on it, she will probably make this poor fool sit in front of the washer and dryer all two hours washing his stuff so it does not get stolen. At least he can practice his kazoo, I mean Clarinet…

I then got to thinking, this mother could be in for a rude awakening when little Jimmy comes home from college with his nose pierced, a tattoo of his frat on his shoulder, and a pawned off super expensive clarinet so he could get some extra pizza and beer money.  I would love to see that…..Holler

BTW, I have never met this kid but from what Dorko Mom has talked about I could pick him out in a line up.  Imagine an 18 year old guy who throws like a very uncoordinated girl, goes to school wearing penny loafers, slacks, and a plaid collared shirt.  He sports those glasses that have the Crookes on them.  He walks around campus with his flute all day and eats cheese for lunch.

BTW part 2:  The only two cool things I can think that have come from the clarinet is that Ferris Bueler tried to play on his day off and every time USC scores a touchdown.


Big Bird was pregnant…..

Big Bird maybe?

Is oscar or grover the father?

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