Posts Tagged ‘women

01
Apr
09

100th post

Happy 100th post, thanks for all the readers, hopefully many many more to come, like at least a million……

Kaliphornya.com launched January 23rd 2009, that very first day it recieved about eighty hits.  The following weeks to come it averaged twenty or so hits until the face of the franchise got smart and started writing more about contreversial topics and placed them in hot beds where there would be passionate readers.

The first big post was Loretto is Jumping Ship. There were many passionate girls who hated this article and proved me wrong, as I knew they would. Rock on Loretto and keep fighting. After that massive day things got better and the blogs continued.
Wednesday March 11, 2009 marks the busiest day in Kaliphornya history. Kaliphornya dropped the smack down on David Beckham and got soccer fans world wide very interested. Check it out here as it continues to still get hits and be the busiest blog Screw you David Beckham.
So as I have barely scratched the surface, my main goal is to entertain and spark the minds of many. Please feel free to comment or send me an e mail if you would like to write an article. Check out the contact info of the blog. If not then pass this on to a friend and maybe their cousins, aunts, uncles, brothers, dogs, owner will find it interesting.

Stay flossy Kaliphornya-

Advertisements
28
Mar
09

Catch pharse rules…..

(Some how this got switched to only one paragraph so bear with me because I am to lazy to fix it right now due to the fact that it is one in the AM on a Sunday morning…. holler at that, I should turn it into one long sentence)

Tonight me and my friends decided to play a little game of catch phrase. It was the boys versus the girls. As all games between boys and girls there is tons of competitive juices flowing. Me and my friend chief editor of Lost Angeles Blog, decided to use some strategy. We knew that each other knew the answer so we took our time giving clues until the last possible second. When we got the correct answer we would pass it off leaving the XX chromosome team with all of five seconds to answer the next phrase. The ladies called us out and said it was cheating. After several minutes of arguing we went on our ways and the team with the bigger brains, the boys (seriously check it out, men have bigger brains the women Brain Size) were victorious winning two games to one. We gave them the second game. Anyone who questions the rules must have solid evidence. So me being the good sport I am, decided to list a copy of the rules so there is no confusion. Please read thoroughly and get back to me if there is any debate…. All rules can be found clicking here at Board Game Capital Game Play: Pick a team to begin the game with the first word. The first word is started by pressing the green button on the side of the disk player to reveal the new word. This is done while the opposing team start the timer. The person with the first word begins to give clues and the team members start shouting out their guesses until the correct word has been yelled out. The rules on giving clues are such that you are allowed to make any physical gesture and almost any verbal clue. It is however, against the Catch Phrase rules to say a word that rhymes, give the first letter or say part of the guessing word. If a team member breaks one of these rules and is caught, the timer is stopped and the other team is awarded a point by moving them one place forward on the board. Once the word has been guessed the disk player is passed to the next team as quickly as possible. Remember, you do not want to be caught with it in your hands when the timer goes off. This continues, alternating teams and new words, until the timer goes off. When the timer goes off, the team that is not holding the disk player advances one space on the Catch Phrase game board. The next round is started by the team that was left holding the disk player when the buzzer went off. A bonus point can be earned for stealing a word. If the timer goes off in the middle of your turn and your team has not guess the correct word, the other team has one chance to guess the word you were trying to get your teammates to say. The Catch Phrase rules state that if the correct word is guessed (only one guess is allowed and can be discussed amongst the other team), they move ahead one more space. Two points are awarded from not being stuck holding the disk player and guessing the opposing team’s word. Whether they get it or not, the team that got stuck with the disk player begins the next round. If for any reason you run out of words and they begin to repeat themselves, simply stop the timer, reload the disk player and begin again. —————————————————————————-

No where in here does it say there is a penalty for stalling? Just because I trust my teammate more then the opposing team, do you have to call us cheaters. If you were playing baseball would you say that letting an infield fly drop to get the double play was illegal even thought the umpire did not call the infield fly rule? Well maybe but hey you could have done the same thing. I guess in the end, men will always prevail…LOL now bring on the hate mail…

JK………We all know women are a million times more smarter then men, and that without them this world would suck and our lives would be worthless…..Thank you for putting up with our bullshit and shenanigans…..

25
Mar
09

Marylands basketball team “We Eat Kids”

Marylands women’s basketball slogan going into the tournament was We Eat Kids trying to bring the infamous Mike Tyson slogan saying he was going to eat his opponents child.  I myself find this kind of weird solely due to the fact that the head coach of Marylands women’s team had twins last year.

I like the effort to bring the Tyson intensity and they only say this in the pre-game huddle to get the girls fired up.  I guess you do what you have to do to get fired up……

Baby eater

17
Mar
09

The cell phone law……

On the way to work this afternoon I was sitting at a stop light behind a police officer.  I noticed that he had a cell phone up to his ear.  I tried to take a picture of this but could not catch it due to the weak cameras on cell phones.  Anyhow it crossed my mind to pull up next to him and act like I was talking on my phone.  Do you think he would hang up and get off of his phone to pull me over and give me a cell phone ticket?  Going on better judgment I decided against this idea.

I guess we will never know-

24
Jan
09

Pressure of the Remote

Girls, females, lasses, ladies, what can I say? Guys can’t survive without them. I presume that across this country with every couple there have been some debates over what TV show to watch. The best invention for this argument was the DVR. The DVR was strictly made for this very purpose.
The DVR is a machine of great simplicity. All you have to do is find the show you want to record on the television guide and then push the small round red button. Once you see a red dot on the guide you are set. You are allowed to record up to two programs at the same time. This machine is just brilliant.
Navigating through TV land with the cable or dish remote, requires a slightly high level of thinking. In the middle of most remotes there are four arrows. There is an arrow pointing up, one pointing down, one pointing to the left, and one pointing to the right. Depending on where you are in the TV guide menu, you can push any arrow and the info beacon will move in the very same direction. Once you get to your destination in TV land push the button directly in the middle of the four arrows most famously known as the OK or Select button.
Finally the last button to talk about is the exit button. The exit button lets you get out of guide mode and into tv mode. For some reason this always confuses the remote controlled challenged. Some mistake exit as stop or exit the program, but all this simple button does is exit out of menus, nothing more nothing less.
Ok so here is the story. On more times than one occasion, Gaby (my gf) and I have both had shows that we wanted to watch which were playing at the same time. Nine times out of ten she wants to watch Greys Anatomy, House, Gossip Girls, Desperate Housewives, Girls Next Door, The Hills, The City, Private Practice, Biggest Looser, Big Love, 24, The Bachelor, and I want to watch the Lakers. Of course the Lakers trump all of these, because lest face it who really watches a Tvoed athletic event. By the time you watch your recording you know the result. Really how much fun is watching a game if you know the end product? All of those other shows that Gaby likes to watch won’t be broadcast all over the web pages she looks at or the tv shows she watches. She could go a whole month and not know what happened in the shows that she DVRd.
Anyhow being the nice boy friend that I am, I let Gaby watch her shows at half time even though I do enjoy the commentary and insight on the game as well as commercials. I also let her change the channel right before the game ends so she can quickly hit last button aka the teleport button and go to her show. The problem lies once the remote gets in her hands. Imagine the Lakers are playing the Heat. It’s Kobe versus D Wade with lets say three minutes left. We have a five-point ball game and everyone has stepped it up. With two minutes left the Lakeshow calls for a time out. I pass the remote to Gaby and she knows she has to work fast cause there is no way in hell I am missing a second in these last two minutes.
The pressure of her having to use the remote quickly and que up her show bears down upon her hands like a heard of elephants standing on a bed of nails consisting of only one nail. Her heart starts to produce Novocain and shoots it straight to her fingertips and hands. She starts frantically pushing buttons because nothing is going on. The system gets overloaded and all the button pushing is released in a single explosion of chaos across the LCD.
With a very Chris Paul like maneuver almost as cool as the other side of the pillow, I manage to steal the remote (or clicker, or channel changer, or whatever the hell you call it) out of her hands as she sits frozen in utter confusion as to what is going on. I gracefully hit the guide button like Robert Horry hit the game winner so many times against so many different teams; her channel comes on and with the speed of Usain Bolt I quickly hit last.
The game comes on while Doug Collins and Jeff Van Gundy are getting the queue that they are live. Chaos is restored. I sit back, kick my legs up, and drink my beer.

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta-




Kaliphornya Twitter

My Blogs

December 2017
M T W T F S S
« Oct    
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031