Posts Tagged ‘USC


Dorko Mom and the Clarinet….

For you people who play the clarinet, I am sorry.  Today while I was at work, I was talking with one of my least favorite clients.  Imagine that forty something mother who is overly proud and sticks her foot in her mouth without realizing it every time she opens it up.  She is this lady who will not shut the hell up about her son.  For the past month she has been telling me, four weeks till my son turns 18, three weeks till my son turns 18, two weeks until my son turns 18, one week until my son turns 18, you get the point.  Well today is his 18th birthday.  Whopdee frickin doo.

Don’t get me wrong I love hearing about peoples children and their lives at home but man this lady is just on over kill.  I feel bad for her son because she has raised a complete dork.  I have not even met this kid and I know he is a dork.  She talks for an hour and a half non stopped about three things, her sons, birthday which I have covered, how he is in the school Orchestra, and what colleges he has gotten into and rejected from. (Davis, Cal, and Brown he got into.  Rejected from UCLA, Stanford, USC, Dartmouth, and Cornell.)

Seriously this lady is like ohhh I was up so late at my sons recital last night.  Hmmmm the last time I looked, five year old girls played recitals.  Seniors in high school went out and partied.  Don’t get me wrong, and I have said this before, I give mad mad props to anyone who plays a musical instrument.  The only instrument I can play is the easy levels of Rock Band drums.  Holler at video games.

So back to Dorko Mom.  Me being the smart ass I am, was so fed up and annoyed with Dorko mom talking about how her son is 18 and walked straight to the Post Office to register for voting decided to lay the real world on her.  I said “So your son is 18 now, you must be so proud.  Get ready cause now he can buy, cigarettes, loto tickets, and porn. (well i held the porn part out because I have some class, but it did cross my mind).  She awkwardly avoided the cigarette comment and said “You can buy lotto tickets at 18?”  Me “Yup, and he can get tried as an adult, did he go and register for the draft yet?”  And blank stare from Dorko Mom.

Those comments shut her up for a grand total of fifteen seconds.  After the fifteen seconds passed the next hour she was bragging about her son and how he killed his SAT’s and thinks he is going to chose Cal for college.  She then said “my son wants to bring his nice Clarinet to college with him but I am afraid it is going to get stolen.”  I let out a laugh and she gave me a look as though I was peering into the fifth ring of the Inferno.   Satan eyes was like what the hell is so funny, in a far more polite way?  I said well all the closets have locks so he could keep it in there when he is not practicing in the middle of the quad.  It gave her some relief.

Then I told her that the instrument was probably the last thing some one would steal.  Honestly who steals a Clarinet?  Her son needed to worry about his I.Pod, computer, books, graphing calculator, and clothes from getting stolen.  She understood everything but the clothes.  I then informed her that people go around every week to the washers and dryers and have free roam of whatever they want due to the fact that your average college student does not watch his clothes as though he were guarding Windsor Castle.  Looking back on it, she will probably make this poor fool sit in front of the washer and dryer all two hours washing his stuff so it does not get stolen. At least he can practice his kazoo, I mean Clarinet…

I then got to thinking, this mother could be in for a rude awakening when little Jimmy comes home from college with his nose pierced, a tattoo of his frat on his shoulder, and a pawned off super expensive clarinet so he could get some extra pizza and beer money.  I would love to see that…..Holler

BTW, I have never met this kid but from what Dorko Mom has talked about I could pick him out in a line up.  Imagine an 18 year old guy who throws like a very uncoordinated girl, goes to school wearing penny loafers, slacks, and a plaid collared shirt.  He sports those glasses that have the Crookes on them.  He walks around campus with his flute all day and eats cheese for lunch.

BTW part 2:  The only two cool things I can think that have come from the clarinet is that Ferris Bueler tried to play on his day off and every time USC scores a touchdown.


Weekend Warrior

Friday night, was a big night. Had some good people over Zack and Emily and discussed almost anything and everything. Had some bomb cooking possibly the most American Meal you could have. It was prepared by my lovely girlfriend Whats Gaby Cooking and Zack Lost Angeles did the steaks to perfection. It was a magical meal topped off with some Chocolate Molten Lava cake. Lots of Whiskey was thrown back that night and it led to some good times with great people.
The next day was very relaxed and ended up going to my girlfriends Uncle’s house and had dinner with the family. Her uncle wants to move to South Africa. He is a very smart dude and used to teach at USC. Needless to say any conversation with him you get an interesting twist on things and is never dull.
After dinner we stormed from Woodland hills to Santa Monica and met up with my cousin and his lady friend. Once again the Whiskey flowed until late in the night and we eneded up searchign the thrid stree promenade for food after the bars closed. Saddly nothing was open and so we ventured to Swingers.
Swingers might have been the most bizzare thing I have ever seen. This place was all organic or at least I am told and reminded me of a Dennys. I have passed by it thousands upon thousands of times and never saw any interest to it. Once you make it inside at two in the morning it is a whole sub culture of people who are craving food after a long night of drinking. Everyone was coming off of their buzz and wanted a nice meal before journeying into bed.
Got some chili cheese fries, none that I would write home about, drove everyone home and passed out at three am.
I have not gone to bed at three AM in a long long time. I was worthless all day Sunday. Woke up just in time to catch the end of the Spurs beating the Celtics, which is always a good thing, then watched the Lakeshow beat the Bronbreezys Cavs with a very sick Kobe Bryant.
Lurched around the apt the rest of the day and am gearing up for another week of work ahead.
Needless to say it was nice to go and act like I was in college again, but done in a more sophisticated way.
Big things to happen this week.


How to solve the BCS

So, for how many years now has there been a valid argument as to who should play in the BCS championship game? As far as I know this has been around since the system came into play. Every year there is not a clear-cut champion.
Before I start to bash the BCS and everything it stands for lets look at the positives. The biggest benefit of this system is ratings. It makes every game throughout the season important. Lets use USC as an example. Not many will argue that they were one of the top three teams in the country this year. USC had a bad loss against Oregon State and for the rest of the year they relied on other teams to get them to the Championship game. This did not work out and USC had to settle for playing in the Rose Bowl.
Under the system that I propose there will still be importance on every game you play as well as settle a true champion. We should keep the BCS ratings. At the end of the regular season you then have the top four teams play in a tournament like setting. The number one plays the four and the number two plays the three. The winner of these two games goes on to play the BCS Championships and the losers play for third and fourth place.
This will counter the argument that a basketball like playoff would be to long and hard on the players because it will only add one more game to the season to the top four teams. It will establish a clear-cut winner and there will be no more debate for who is truly champions.
One last loophole to cover for the solution. This year Boise state and Utah had incredible records both almost going undefeated. They had a somewhat valid argument in that they should be considered for the BCS title game. Their strength of schedule was nowhere near an SEC, Big 12, or Pac 10 team though. In order to solve this move both Utah and Boise state into the Pac 10 and turn it into the Pac 12. Then with this format you can have a true conference championship game like the SEC, Big 12, and other schools. The Pac 12 North would consist of UW, WSU, UO, OSU, BS, and Utah. The Pac 12 South would have Cal, Stanford, USC, UCLA, UofA, and ASU. This would solve all problems and give the Pac 12 a conference game, strengthen their schedule, and give one more week to impress the BCS judges.

Here we go Gaels football –


Athletic Club Los Angeles

I consider myself an aficionado when it comes to professional sports. ESPN is my homepage and 90 percent of the time when the TV is on its some sort of sports. Over the past couple of days I have been playing a lot of Fifa (soccer for you non European sports fans) for the PS3. The game is awesome and highly responsible for increasing my knowledge of the football world. The team I am currently playing with is FC Barcelona. I was curious what the FC in the name stood for. I went online to FCBARCELONA.COM and found out that it stands for football club.   

FC Barcelona Shield

FC Barcelona Shield

While I was browsing the website I found out that Barcelona is not only a football club but basketball, handball, field hockey, baseball, cycling, rugby, wheelchair basketball, volleyball, ice hockey, and a figure skating club. Under one name and one company there are a ton of sports. Imagine the pride that the town of Barcelona has for their ten teams under one name. It’s like being in a college or high school all over again. 

What if we had this set up over here in the states? Think of the Dodgers, Lakers, Galaxy, Kings, and well since we don’t have a football team USC (sorry UCLA but you guys just suck) play together under one name. It could be AC (athletic club) LA. Doesn’t that just flow off of the tongue. ACLA. Think of the powerhouse Boston would be having the Celtics, BoSox, Patriots, Bruins, and Revolution. They could be called Boston United, but you get my point. 

This would unite baseball, basketball, soccer, hockey, and football fans. It would more than likely increase ratings across the board because the teams shield would be on the line and more importantly it would be a city thing. Think about your college experience and if you did not go to college think high school. No matter what sporting event it was you were full of school pride. Every team wearing the same colors, name, and school logo. Every sporting result was a direct reflection of you and your pride. In college I watched everything from Rugby to women’s Lacrosse. It wasn’t my passion for the sport that brought me there it was for the Pride of my school.

Think outside the box……. Long live ACLA… 

Catch ya on the flip side…….


Kaliphornya Twitter

My Blogs

July 2018
« Oct