Archive for the 'Humor' Category

10
Aug
09

Casey Blake is Sparta & Russel Martin is Turtle

So as I have watched the Dodgers over the past two years, I can not get over how much a couple of thier players look like Hollywood superstars.  See below…..caseygerard

Turtle from Entourage and Russel Martin

Turtle from Entourage and Russel Martin

We run LA…..

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04
Aug
09

Wonder Bitch and the pushover

Have you ever been put on blast, got ripped apart, or plain old chewed out?  I am sure this happens to the best of us during some point in our lives.  This past Friday, I witnessed this first hand.  Let me describe the scene before I go into the story.  For those of you who are not familiar or to scared to venture down towards the Santa Monica area, there is a slew of great restaurants.  Last Friday, I was fortunate enough to get together with some long time friends and have a couple of cocktails.

We decided to post up at Ma Kai’s.  Ma Kai’s is a very nice, laid back restaurant with a great bar.   Ma Kai’s signature has been their Mojitos.  In the past, they would fill your glass to the brim with crushed ice accompanied by a stick of sugar cane, and then pour in that luscious minty concoction.  These things are strong and deadly.

MaKai lounge

Ma'Kai lounge

Upon ordering several cocktails and appetizers, my attention was drawn to the table next to us.  There was a couple there who looked around their mid twenties.  The girl looked like your typical blond from southern Kaliphornya.  Dressed to impress, with a bag and outfit that probably cost more than her car.  The guy, well my friends and I had a good time ripping into him.  This is what we do, we belittle people when they can not hear us.  Aren’t we nice.  Anyhow the guy had pushover dork written all over him.  He had shorter hair that was parted to the side similar to the hair cut my father has.  You know that one your mom used to make you wear on picture day in first grade?  He was wearing an undershirt below a pink lacoste shirt, both tucked into his khakis.  This all went along perfectly with his Topsiders.

So, what grabbed my attention?  I head this girl yelling as though she were telling a story.  I then listened even closer and realized she was chewing this dude out.  I do not know why, but full on yelling at this guy in a nice restaurant for everyone to wittiness.  She was saying stuff to him that blew my mind.  This whole time Peter preppy, was siting there like a gentle man, eating his fries and taking this lashing.  Not an ounce of emotion from him.  This bitch session must have gone on for a good thirty minutes.

To make the story even better this couple probably ordered three or four different appetizers.  After polishing off their sweet potato fries, calamari, and two of the three sliders, Betty the bitch made a scene.  She brought the manager of the restaurant over and started in on him.  To quote her she said “I want my money back, your sliders did not have lettuce on them!”  The manager told her that these sliders were award winners for the area, and that they do not put lettuce on them.  She blew up at this dude for another ten minutes.  Eventually she got the whole bill comped and stormed out of the restaurant.

I was in utter shock how rude and bitchy this chick was.  What was even worse was how her boyfriend just took it.  Anyhow I guess some people just don’t have manners, or a backbone.  On that note, the next time you are out, keep it classy.

31
Jul
09

Possibly the coolest wedding entrance

Check this out, these people have swagger.  If the ceremony is like this image the wedding reception.  Probably a SHIT show…..check it out down below….

13
Jul
09

Break Dancing vs Gun Slinging

The other night my girlfriend and I were pre gaming and Tombstone was on television.  I had not seen this movie in quite some time and decided to kick back, relax, and enjoy my adult beverage.  As my buzz started to increase my mind started getting creative during the movie.

I had come to the conclusion that cowboys were eth originators of the hip hop dancing battles we see in those lame ass movies such as “You got served”, “You got served again”, and “You got served a third time, what now bitch”.  You are probably wondering how I am making a correlation to one of the best movies ever and one of the worst movies ever.  Here is where the booze comes in.

Think back to the scene where Wyatt Erp was dealing cards to Doc Holiday and Johnny Ringo.  Johnny Ringo pulls out his pistol and quickly captivates the crowd. He bust some sick gun moves and makes drunk Doc Holiday look silly.  Doc cleverly pulls out his goblet he had been drinking from and bust some similar gun tricks with his cup, winning the crowd back over with his humor.  All the scene was missing was Nick Cannon in the background yelling “Ohhhh”  with one hand in the air waving back and forth.  These were the original break dance battles.  Check it out below and let me know what you think.

02
Jul
09

Old lady puts smack down on impatient chump…

Watch this old lady, own this impatient chump.  Nothing funnier than an air bag giving this guy a facial….

30
May
09

House Parties, Biz Markie, and failed excitment.

Last night after watching the Lakeshow move on to the NBA Finals, and having a great dinner with great people, my friends knew of a party going on.  We were very merry with intoxication so doing the responsible thing we called a cab.  For some reason every time I get in a cab, I think that Biz Marke and his infamous Heinekin commercial song will come across the radio.   Some guy in the back seat will start to sing all the words, and when the chorus comes on the cabbi will crank up the radio and everyone will sing “you, you got what I need, but you say he’s just a friend, etc…..” Yet somehow this never happens and life is never as cool as the commercials.

So we roll up to the street where the apartment is and call a friend from inside to come guide us to the party.  As we walk through the door, there is a whole house party going on.  Being two years out of college, I quickly get back to the days of attending one of these at least once a week.  I reach into my bag of beers and pop one open.  Since I do not know anyone at this party, I have two options, I can be that awkward guy who walks around that party from group to group and try to blend or I can stay home with my crew and play it safe.  I decide with the second of the two options and keep it fly.

Looking around the party you could see who was there to just chill, spit game, get wasted, and just have fun.  It is always interesting in these settings because the kitchen is neutral turf (the cocktail area), then there is the line to the bathroom and then everyone is segregated into their circles and comfort groups.  After mingling in the living room, me and my buddy decided to over take the turf outside, it was prime real estate.

After dominating the balcony and meeting virtually everyone at the party we decided to bounce.  We called a cab and headed back to home.  About half way home on the radio I hear “have you ever met a girl that you tried to date”.  I got super excited, the commercial was going to happen in this cab ride.  I was the dude sitting up front playing air drums, my buddy Zack was in the back getting ready to rap, and the two girls were getting ready to chime in.  It was going to be perfect, and then came the chorus the Cabbi was going to turn up the volume and we were all going to sing in the most heinous voices and have a blast.

Only this did not happen, the song did not occur I just made all of that up.  Sorry to get your hopes up but, this is what happens every time I step into a cab.  The next time you ride in a cab, think of me and think of Biz Markie just a friend.  One of us are bound to get lucky.

19
May
09

Ellen’s commencement speech

This is how we roll in KALIPHORNYA…..enjoy

Courtesy of WhatsGabyCooking.com




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