23
Jun
09

The Adventure of Kaliphornya in Wonder Land err Angel Stadium

This past weekend for fathers day I took a ball game in with my Dad and the rest of my family.  It was the first time I had ever been to Angels stadium and they were playing my favorite team the Dodgers.  Having the best record in baseball and our ace on the mound things were looking good to start the night.

As we found our seats, I felt like I was in Disney Land.  Now I know that Disney does own the Angels, but come on the stadium has a movie set feel to it, something fake.  The first thing that really jumps out at you in the stadium is how lame center field is.  They have this waterfall like fountain gushing from a big fake rock shaped in an A.

I thought splash mountain was at Disney Land

I thought splash mountain was at Disney Land

Directly to the right of the fountain is nothing.  I am guessing they were going to use this space to promote splash mountain but ran out of funds.  Could you imagine all the seats and coin the Angels franchise could make if they tore out their uber lame fountain and the great abyss?

Moving onward.  From the moment we arrived at the stadium vendors were still selling those damn rally monkeys.  I know the rally monkeys were cool when the Angels beat the Giants in the World Series but seriously that was like what, seven years ago?  Boy was I in for a surprise.

Thats super cool.....No realy it is....

Thats super cool.....No realy it is....

Once game time rolled around the stadium started to fill up like any other sporting event in southern California.  Everyone was casually late.  My seats were up in the nosebleeds behind the home team dugout along the third base line.  Because the Dodgers were playing the Angels, there was a very mixed crowd of fans.  Going into the ball game, my pops and I had several beverages because we could not bring ourselves to pay eight dollars for a keg cup of beer.  Everyone else around us, well they did not have the same thought process as us.

Towards the end of the first inning, two rows in front of where me and my father were sitting, four women showed up.  These women were large, rude, and plain obnoxious.  Now I am not one to knock on peoples weight, but in the good nature of painting a picture for you the reader, I would have to say they all could easily have gone on the biggest loser scale and topped a thousand pounds, let alone be contestants for next season.  I will come back to these women later.

My seat was on the aisle, which you would think was great, but man did this suck.  I have never had to stand up and sit down at a ball game more in my life to let people out and in.  I was averaging four to eight squats every half inning.  What is the deal?  Can these people not hold their bladder?  It was armature hour in the ball park.

By the time the fifth or sixth inning rolled around the Angels blasted on the jumbo tron the same monkey that was in outbreak, and all of a sudden you hear the crowd go crazy.  It was dressed in an Angels uniform jumping up and down on a table, with the words rally monkey under it.  Honestly this looked like the most low budget video clip I have ever seen, yet all the Angels fans were loving it.  After every base hit they would flash this damn thing up on the screen.  I was curious if everyone was going to stand up and start flapping their arms as wings like in Angels in the Outfield.

Honestly if you could have seen they way these people reacted to the monkey you could not help but laugh at them.  I think there is a reason the broadcasters on television do not show this.  It is a little outdated.  While all of this was going on I was thinking why is this damn outbreak monkey still around?  Have they not got something new yet?  This would be similar to going to Dodger stadium ten years from now and looking out in left field and seeing Manny wigs everywhere, or in 2010 if Cavs fans are still throw up powder before tip off even though LeBron peaced out of there as fast as he could.  It is outdated.

It was a tight ball game going into the seventh inning stretch.  My attention was focused on the jumbo tron where Alfred Hitchcock’s infamous shower scene from Psycho was being played.  Being the video geek that I am, I was informing my father that for this 48 second scene he used 78 cuts which was truly Hitchcock at his best.  Once we got to the point where they were going to show the dude with the knife there it was, the fuckin rally monkey screamin.   This crowd erupted as though their team just won the NBA finals, wait they did, but you get the picture.   Down with the Sickness was blasting as the fans were going bonkers.  I could not believe what I was seeing.  I thought I was in a wonder land or something.  A tiny ass outbreak monkey was the sole reason for pumping up this stadium.

Anyhow, that damn critter must have worked because the Dodgers went down by a run and eventually lost the game.  By the time the seventh inning was over, booze was talking left and right.  Time to get back to the grande chicks.  These chicks in front of us were Angels fans and they were wasted.  Every inning all four of them would get up and each would come back with two beers no joke.  That means each of these chicks has fourteen beers at ten bucks a piece (They had the big cups that light up).  That is an extra $140.00 they spent on beer plus the $40.00 dollars for tickets.  One of these biggins got into it with a dodger fan.  She was all up in this guys face with her middle finger less than an inch from this dudes nose.  I don’t know what he was saying but man I bet it was an easy target.  While she was acting all hood rat some fan from behind us threw a whole cup of beer at the row of dodger fans.  Instantly the Dodger fan turned around and threw his beer bottle at the group of Angel fans he had been talking trash with the whole game.

People started yelling and it was starting to look like the Palace of Auburn Hills with beer flying.  All we needed was Artest and Stephen Jackson in the crowd.  There really is nothing like watching a bunch of fat drunk baseball fans going at it and protecting their team as though it is their family.  They were more worried about who was louder and who had the last word than the damn game.  Luckily enough people jumped in and broke the opposing parties up before there were any ejections.  As the “big female crew” left all the way down they were yelling Dodger fans are pussies.  The whole way out they did this.  I felt like going up to them and saying hey, “you realize with that $140.00 of beer you just drank, you could have been sitting in the “diamond club” which are the seats directly behind home plate.”  I guess everyone has their priorities.

All in all this experience like Orange County and their boobs seemed fake.  Nothing wrong with that but like the teams name Los Angeles Angels, its time to get your own identity.  Get away from the Disney theme like the Ducks did, ask the city of Anaheim if they will allow you to return as the Anaheim angels opposed to the Los Angeles South team.  And for God sake, get a new them for your team other than the outbreak monkey.  If you could really just step back and look at how lame that guy is you would be embarrassed.  Ohh yeah and Kobe was cheering for the Dodgers.

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